I don't really want to tell you but I miss you and it makes me very unmotivated to make any other plans for this week then to plan to hang out with you. I know it's only been a week. That's why it felt too unreasonable to let you know that I do. Some weeks I don't feel this way. Some weeks go by faster than others. Some weeks I don't feel as strongly as I do today. Some weeks I don't feel as empty as I do today. I already have a surprise for you tho (but you don't know that). I am looking forward to bring you the surprise I prepared for you. If there is one thing that brings me joy when I miss you, it's preparing some kind of surprise for you. I did draw something today though (although I didn't finish the drawing). Guess there is at least some motivation in me left. I wanted to paint my wall but the internet wants me to paint something for it instead. I don't feel like there is ever enough time to draw the things I want to draw for myself, or maybe I just won't let myself draw something for me. I still miss my boyfriend and the pressure I am feeling from myself isn't really helping me. Will I ever be able to relax? Sometimes I feel like that just isn't something for me.

Maybe I will draw something for myself tomorrow, for you or for the internet. I will still miss you then. I hope you know that this is my only way to let you know how much I love and care about you. I don't want to tell you that I miss you, because it feels so selfish to do so. I just want to think about our next interaction. It's what makes me feel save when falling asleep. It's what keeps me going. It's what keeps me creating.

I hope you know that I never not think about you. I hope you know that I never regret making plans or spending time with you. I hope you know. That's what I want you to know.